so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
