Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Two words: blizzard sex
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
