He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
