We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
