Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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