I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Damn victory sex feels great
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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