Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
