I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
