The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Less talking, more tequila
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
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