i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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