If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
