I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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