Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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