I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
