I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
