When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's shark week go big or go home
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
