she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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