I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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