if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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