dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
