Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
