i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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