At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Girls should come with a carfax report
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
