remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
