What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
