I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
