how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
