We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
