i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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