dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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