We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
