I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
