im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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