So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
