Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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