Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
