I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
