If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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