I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
