Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
