He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
