I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
