He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We just shotgunned beers for America
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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