I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
