So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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