Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
