WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
How naked do you want me to be?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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