i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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