I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
