Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
